hangukeando: OMO! This is one of the most...

OMO! This is one of the most hilarious things I have read in a LONG time! A response to Simon and Martina’s Kpop Music Monday for A-Cha.

laurana1 the SuJu Scribe. Whoever, wherever you are…Thank you.

Well, the gods theory was a good guess, but I’m afraid you’re dead wrong on this one.

You see, the Super Junior is a very rare breed of creature. The Super Junior (Genus: Superious, Species: Juniorus), is native only to South Korea, though some claim a few select Super Juniors migrated from China. They are humanlike in appearance, but have several unique qualities found only in members of their race. The most commonly-known feature of the Super Junior would be the intricate and complicated mating rituals they employ. Such rituals are described in further detail below.

Once every few months, the Super Juniors gather together and go in search of a proper location. These locations must be large and frequently have dim or flickering lighting (it is well-known that the Super Junior is drawn to strange lighting, much like a moth is drawn to flame). The initial mating ritual location must also be uninhabited by other creatures. The Super Juniors will then don their fuzzy hats and bejeweled clothing (believed to be deeply-rooted cultural apparel dating back some thousands of years to circa 538 B.C.E.), and perform a complicated dance meant to attract potential mates. Each dance is unique from the rest, though researchers have detected select common elements among all known dances. It must also be noted that such mating dances are often overwhelmingly successful, drawing great attention from females in surrounding areas. The Super Junior will then repeat the same mating dance multiple times in more public places, where the potential female mates have gathered in earnest. This period of “performances” will often last a couple of months, before the Super Juniors withdraw to prepare for the next cycle.

The Super Junior is generally a local creature, often preferring not to move beyond the borders of its natural homeland. However, these fascinating figures will ocassionally migrate to surrounding countries (most commonly Japan, China, Taiwan, and Thailand), and some enthusiasts claim to have spotted a Super Junior gathering as far away as the United States of America. In every habitat, the effect of the Super Juniors on nearby females is the same, resulting in mass swarms, screams, and general chaos and hysteria.

One final unique quality of the Super Junior is its incredible ability to manipulate its appearance at will. The Super Junior has the power to change the color of its fur depending on the location and time of year. At first, it was thought that there were simply multiple Super Juniors, but upon closer inspection, it was discovered to be the same Super Juniors sporting differently-colored fur. Scientists believe this ability was developed to help camoflauge the Super Junior when it goes out in public to feed. However, this ability is now generally obsolete as the females who so desire the Super Juniors have developed an uncanny ability to recognize their prey regardless of the change.

References:
-Superious Juniorus: An Introduction
-The Mating Ritual of the Super Junior: A Short Overview
-How To Spot a Super Junior: A Super Junior Watcher’s Handbook
-Super Juniors: More Similar to Humans Than We Think?